Restraining Orders and Stalking Orders - do you understand the difference?

Restraining Orders, sometimes called protective orders, are legal documents issued by a judge to keep an abuser away from his victim. It may also give you temporary custody of any children, make the abuser move from the home, requires that the abuser stay away not only from the home but also your place of work, school or any other place you may be. You can ask for a restraining order against your spouse or an ex-spouse, anyone in your family or a domestic partner of either sex, if they have been abusive towards you.

To obtain an order you will need to contact your local court. If you do not know where to find them, your local police or sheriff or women's shelter will be able to direct you. There will be papers you need to fill out. Be sure to be completely truthful when filling out the paperwork, but do not be afraid to say why you are scared of the abuser. If the abuser threatened to harm you or your children, you need to put that down so that the judge knows what has happened. It can be embarrassing to have to tell about some things, but remember these people are there to help and protect you. If you do not tell them everything, they will not be able to do a good job. This is not a time to be shy. After the paperwork is filled out you will have to get it signed by a judge. The clerk of the court will be able to explain more about the procedure in your area.

You can also ask if they have a victim assistance office or an abused women's advocate. Often there will be someone there to help you with the forms and even go into the courtroom with you. You will probably be called in front of a judge who may ask you questions. Try not to be embarrassed but answer the judge's questions and explain why you want this order. After the order is signed, it will have to be served on the abuser. Often the local Sheriff can do that, but again, ask what the procedure is.

Remember this order will only go so far in keeping you safe. Abusers can ignore a court order especially if they are using drugs or alcohol to cloud their thinking. You have to do your part to stay safe. I have some suggestions which I use to protect myself.

If your abuser breaks the order and comes to your home or work, even if he does not harm or threaten you, you need to call the police. If you allow him to flout the order, for example if he says he is just picking up his clothes, it will be harder in future to make the court understand that you are serious. By the way, in the case of an abuser living with you who needs clothes, work tools or the like, you can have the police or a sheriff do a 'stand by' which gives the abuser 20 minutes or so to get his belongings.

Once you have a restraining order in place, the other party has a chance to oppose the order. You may have to attend court to tell your side of the story. Be sure to keep all court dates or speak with the court clerk if for some reason you cannot be there. Restraining orders can be granted for a short time, i.e. if there are children involved, then a court hearing will decide on visitation etc. Then a more permanent order can be put into place which will need to be renewed, most likely after a year.

Stalking Order. The requirements for a stalking order are different from those of a restraining order. You can obtain a stalking order against anyone who is stalking you, not necessarily a family member or someone that you even know. The criteria for a stalking order is that there is "intentional harassment of another person that places the other person in reasonable fear for that person's safety."
There must also be "two or more separate acts over a period of time, showing a "continuity of purpose" that would cause a reasonable person to suffer substantial emotional distress."
Stalking orders can be obtained against an abuser if the restraining order is not stopping the abuser from following you, waiting outside your workplace or school or telephoning you. My sister started phoning me at all hours of the night but hanging up when I answered the phone. I finally had to get a stalking order against her. A restraining order mostly protects against actual contact, while a stalking order prevents the abuser from following you or harassing you in any way.